If you love it, better not put a ring on it

Maybe you’ve seen the post – or email – making the rounds about how ‘old’ people should present themselves?

It defines old as 60 or over. So much for 60 being the new 40, eh?

If you haven’t seen it, here’s a sample of some pairings it suggests you avoid:

A nose ring and bifocals

Miniskirts and support hose 
Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 
Bikinis and liver spots 
Thongs and Depends.

Cute.

But on a more serious note, I’m here today to address the first item, the nose ring.

*GRUMPY OLD MAN ALERT*

I’m not good with some current trends.

If I’ve not mentioned it before, I hate tattoos. I hate them more on women than men. To me, they look trashy.

I’m trying to adapt. Mainly, because everybody but me seems to have one.

Also, I know some really quality, non-trashy ladies with tattoos. By ‘quality’ I mean I’ve Googled them and can’t find any pictures of them without clothes.

I’ve never liked belly button jewelry. (Unless you’re a belly dancer. In that case, you might as well put something shiny in that cavern.)

Nose and lip studs? Nope.

But I’m trying really hard to be a better person and stop judging the book by its cover. That’s probably my biggest flaw, honestly.

But the one decoration I do not get is the nose ring.

First thought: are you a dang cow?? If we go out on a date, can I hitch up a rope to that thing and lead you into the theater?

I don’t care how otherwise beautiful you are, inside or out, something hanging out your nose does not look good. And there’s nothing – NOTHING – you can do to change that.

Make it silver, gold, bejeweled, bigger, petite, or blessed by the Pope, it’s still something coming out of your nose and needs wiping.

I know, shut up ol’ man!